Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Is this skirt too short?

I'm off to a Jazz club to celebrate the New Year. On her death bed, Billie Holiday told me I should always celebrate New Year's at a Jazz club. So, that's what I do. . . I guess I'm just a show biz person at heart! But no heroine for me! I think that's why I started the Stop the Madness anti-drug campaign -- for Billie.

I'm wearing a very short skirt, but you know what? My legs are great! Have a fabulous denouement of 2008, and a lovely first few hours of 2009!

Monday, December 29, 2008

The Pastor Who Hates the Gays

Frank Rich has written a column about Barack Obama and the gay people
and that pastor who wears the loud shirts. This all reminds me of
when Rock Hudson was going on at a party about wanting to play more
cowboy roles. And then Milton Berle said he could play Annie Oakley.
We all got a good laugh out of it, but then Rock Hudson threw himself
off of the cliff behind the house. Luckily, it was Judy Garland's
house, and her people had installed a net to catch you if you were
trying to throw yourself to your death. That was the nice thing about
Hollywood -- people took care of you.

Anyway, Frank Rich used to be a Theater critic, so he's probably gay,
too. Everyone's gay, except for my son Ron Jr. We all thought he was
gay, but it turns out he's not. Just goes to show you -- look before
you leap!

One of Those Over Theres

I see that the Middle Easterners are all in a tizzy once again. I'm a
show business person, so the only Arab I ever knew well was Omar

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Nearly Killed By Christmas

Here we are, at the end of the same old death march. Glad to say I made it through another holiday season, if only so I take in another inauguration. Still not sure if I will attend or stay here in California.

Ha Ha. Of course I'm not going! I wouldn't go sit out in the cold for two hours even if they wanted to inaugurate me! And I liked being president the first time around!

Monday, December 15, 2008

Don't Do It, Caroline

I read today that Caroline Kennedy wants to have Hillary Clinton's Senate Seat. I remember when Bobby Kennedy was shot. I remember it especially well because that was the same year I was named Woman of the Year by the Los Angeles Times, and I had to speak in the same hotel where Sirhan Sirhan killed Senator Kennedy. And some people thought it was tacky to have a big event in the same hall, but I'm a movie person and a show person, and I said, listen, Bobby Kennedy isn't coming back to life one way or the other, so we might as well have this party. You know, that old show biz saying: the show must go on, whether or not a young charasmatic Senator from New York has gotten killed by an Arab. You know.

Anyway, Caroline, I hope you know what you're getting into if you take this Senate seat. You'll have to spend at least some time each week in Washington, DC. Washington is a very lonely place, where most people are judgmental and want you to fail, and if you have an astrologer, they will never let you forget it! Also, you're a litte fat -- lose some weight!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Those Gays

Well, I started feeling better this afternoon, and nothing helps you get over a little stroke like a movie! So I went to see that movie about Harvey Milk called "Milk." That boy Sean Penn once told me that Ronnie was going to let all my hairdressers and my movie friends die of AIDS. And I said, I'd rather let Ronnie handle AIDS than have Jimmy Carter handle Gorbachev. Besides, Ronnie couldn't have stopped AIDS because at that time Tip O'Neil was the Speaker of the house, and he was Irish, and I have Irish friends and they are Catholic, and everybody knows that the Catholics want all the gays to die, although who can imagine why because then where will the Pope get his shoes!? Does he think straight men work at Prada?!

Still, I like those gays. All those wonderful dresses all those years. Oh, Bill Blass. Of course, he died of cancer, so you can't blame Ronnie for that one!

Having a Small Stroke

Will blog more tomorrow!

This Woman

I'm blogging today from a coffee shop near my home in Southern California. There is an aggressive young Jewish career woman going on and on in front of me. She is interviewing a youg Arab man for some sort of job. It's funny because the young Arab man is wearing clothes like any other kind of young man, and he's still Arab. And this young woman is going on and on and talking and talking, and she's gesticulating as if he were a deaf young Arab man and he's having to make out what she's saying by how emphatically she's poking her finger in the air.

In my day, coffee shops were for enjoying a cup of coffee and a good book, like Valley of the Dolls! And women of this woman's descriptions were called harpies.

I'm Not Dead

Or really all that crippled by my age. I go out, I see shows. And now I'm blogging!

And nobody had to show me how to do it. I heard someone talking about it on Leno. And so now, I blog.