Saturday, November 13, 2010

Well, here it is November and I haven't posted anything since I made my New Year's Resolution to post more. Well, you can guess the kind of year I've been having! It all started when JD Salinger died in late January. He and I were, as you can guess, close friends. During my White House years I would often sneak away to his home in Cornish, New Hampshire to talk about books and Hinduism. JD had been such a student of celebrity, and it was always interesting to get his take on fame -- famous people often need to talk to other famous people about being famous -- to make sense of it all.

After JD died, I felt just an inch closer to being all alone in the world. So, I did what show business people always do when we feel lonely -- I started working on a show! Of course, I can't really ever doing anything for the public -- Once you've been Queen of America, there isn't really an act that can follow that. But, every once in a while, I get together with some of my Hollywood friends and we put on a little review for some of the seniors at the old folks home. We sing songs, we tell funny homosexual stories about Rock Hudson, and we do a really cute little thing where we get one of the nurses to do a blood pressure test on Don Rickles -- it kills every time!

The cast is always changing. This year, I was able to convince Joan Rivers to take over for Phyllis Diller. Phyllis was never Jewish, but you always thought of her as Jewish, because she was funny and sort of different looking. Joan actually is Jewish, so it's kind of an improvement!

Don was in it again, and his sort of mean humor was complimented by Jennifer Hudson's singing.

Of course, as usual, I was the skinniest and everyone's favorite. This year, the show was so popular that we just kept touring it all over California at different old folks homes -- we even bought an RV!

While we were going around, I got to see all of the different people campaigning in California, especially for the Senate and the Governor's office. Meg Whitman and Carly Fiorina were always asking me for advice and help. I never gave it to them! I know, they were the Republicans, but I just couldn't see either of them winning in California. Californians want their Republicans to be the fun kind of Republicans, like Ronnie and I. Ronnie wanted to cut the budget, but he also wanted to go swimming in our pool in Los Angeles. Could you see Meg or Carly going swimming on their days off? No, you couldn't. It would be easier to imagine getting a jump start on balancing their checkbook, and that's not the kind of Republican that California likes!

And now we've got Jerry Brown. My lord, he was always throwing himself at me, trying to get me in bed. For years, he would corner me at Hollywood parties and tell me that I was the most beautiful woman in California, even when he was dating Linda Rondstadt. Poor Linda -- I am prettier than she is, but she can sing, and that sort of makes up for it.

Here's a picture of me as First Lady of California!

1 comment:

  1. Oh, what a great way to start the weekend! I always thought you might have been friends with Mr. Salinger - if only you had been able to rally him, Nancy. Now there's a man who would have benefited from a few daily laps in the pool.